voted most likely in high school to be the most prideful, jealous, possessive person on the PLanet 

i Disgust mysefl

do you know how exhausting it is to Hold in tears all day everyday for the past couple of months ? to pretend to be happy? its so Fucking tiring

my body wants to break down i can feel it with every muted emotion, every bated breath every quiver of my lip and stifled scream 

unscrew the cork. open the flood gate s. theyre stuck, im stuck

i want.. no i need to cry until im dehydrated . 

i can only imagine how good that would feel. like a ruined orgasm

grossly and loudly cries about how my feelings are hurt by someone close to me who probably doesnt even realize they hur t my feelings 

feels stupid for thinking i Mean something important to them . they have plenty of other cooler, more interesting friends on their level . friends they like better . not some.. some Stupi d , confusing, moody damaged hunk of metal passing themselves off as Fully Functional Human Being 

silly rabbit thinking that., you mean JACKshit. you dont see them everyday . andsoon you will mean nothing to them. theyll probably forget you and its not tjeir fault yu know how easily you can be overlooked . not invisible but hazy. like a fog or smoke . .. 

well hey maybe if youre lucky theyll come crawling back when theyre lonely and theyll be happy to see you and youll just be happy to Have them notice you because you remember everyone who leaves………stop being so Loyal. Be your own friend soometme

oh wait 

Things I excel at

+making my best friend cry/feel unloved/think i hate them

"I think that when you have a connection with someone it never really goes away, you know? You snap back to being important to each other, because you still are."

.., :-)

to the ppl who keep asking how ive been, how am i doing, am i ok?:

is my silence not a loud enough answer? how dyou think? 

im awful. im sorry if i ddont want to talk about school or my parents or work or anything im not in a very happy place right now please be understanding 

how would you ffeel? honestly.

anguished ha;f monster half human voice: whats HAPPENING TO ME ?! 


dunno why i Would have to say this but do not reblog anything from this blog

have some common decency., i come on here to hide from everyone and hell im not even articulate

just.. I know you’re reblogging cuz you’re feeling the same way so please.. Respect me and my words and my feelings if you know how I Feel.


i feel like being alone a lot and ditching my friends is easier than explaining myself 

explaining why im sad why im avoiding talking to everyone 

i do this a lot when i get really depressed

and thats just normal for me…

moms been crying all night and things are becoming finalized tomorrow 

dunno how to feel

i cried a little bit. mostly im scared

nothing i can do. i wish i still was a religious person. maybe i’ll ask mom to go back to church after all this blows over…